The Advice from My Parent That Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

However the actual experience soon became "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her chief support as well as looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple words "You aren't in a good spot. You must get support. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a broader inability to talk between men, who still absorb negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a display of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to take a respite - spending a couple of days away, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the expression of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."